Big fact you should know about the ace/demi/grace communities: this kind of abuse isn’t exceptional. On the Tumblrs, it becomes a whole big thing pretty regularly, actually - at least once a month - and the rest of the time, it’s because people forget we exist, we have so little presence. And we’re thankful for that.
This is how it works within the community in a situation like this: people who track the tags notice a suspicious increase in activity. Normally our tags are pretty quiet, so when suddenly you see a lot of new posts? You know something’s wrong. There’s no way it’ll be a celebration of the identity - nope, it will most definitely be a Big Debate about whether it even is an identity, a lot of name-calling, and a lot of assumptions about all the individuals who belong to the group. And so you ask others in the community, “Should I stay out right now?”
Because entering the conversation - it is painful. It leaves you open to an attack that is considered totally socially acceptable. It rarely involves any allies. It makes us feel unwelcome, unsafe, and lonely. And so we stay out of it. Not the best strategy to spread awareness, perhaps, but for most, it’s not about strategizing. It’s about feeling like you belong somewhere. Those kinds of discussions do the exact opposite. Try having your identity questioned every month! Can you even imagine how exhausting that is, how defeated it makes us feel? So suggesting that we should speak up for ourselves, and that others shouldn’t speak up for us? It’s a luxury, a - dare I say it? - privilege that we don’t currently have.
